Holidays: What To Do The Second Day After Disclosure of Same-Sex Attraction

It is Day Two after disclosure of SSA and you are in a state of confusion and gripped with fear!

As you become aware that your child has been living with Same-Sex Attraction (SSA) unknown to you, your first reaction will likely be to try to implement CONTROL of your son or daughter.

It is normal to want to limit your child, restrict them from relationships, and want to know where they are at all times. Do you want to set up surveillance of your child? What will people think if they know?

Take a deep breath, sit back and let’s look at this. The reality is that your son or daughter has been acting on their same-sex attraction for some time. It may be just talking with others SSA persons or it may be more involved in meeting and ongoing relationship with same-sex partners. Either way, your child has made decisions along their journey that you have not had access to.

What your son or daughter has acted on until now is done. You have no say about it and you can’t change what has happened. Somehow they have survived to this date without you.

Let’s Look at Your Possible Response

It’s a normal reaction to control; however, you will push your child away if you move into a control mode. They will hide, lie and distance themselves from you. This will leave you alone and in the end, you will have no influence on your child’s life.

The alternative is to continue to love them unconditionally. It doesn’t mean you are not concerned for them or you don’t care if they get AIDS, etc. Even with your discomfort, stay in the relationship just as you had prior to the disclosure. If your relationship changes it makes the statement to your child that you feel differently about them due to the disclosure. This will be perceived as a judgment of them.

This is an opportunity to get to know what your child’s journey. They have hidden this information from you because they were afraid you would reject them. Let’s get to know your child in a new way, a realistic way. Your “real child” is a much bigger picture than you currently have. Wouldn’t it be nice to really know them?

After you have taken the time to learn about your child’s journey into SSA, then you can express your concerns, once. That’s right, once. Your child already knows you don’t approve of SSA, so saying it with words will be telling them something they already know. This is your chance to express your feelings about their SSA without pressuring them to change something. Understanding them will keep the door open to talk about the issue. You will have a greater potential for impact later if you keep the relational door open.

Remember, because there is a God, you have hope!

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