The Great Behavior Breakdown

TRAINING: Apokata Kids: Counseling

Professional Counseling for Families
Parents with combative child or adolescent behaviors become tired and weary. This gradual progression of fighting sends the family into a steep emotional decline. Whether you are a parent of a foster, adoptive or just a difficult child there are automatic responses you may find yourself acting on that may not be producing the effects you desire.

Typically these are efforts to bring the behavior under control. These techniques include consequences, time out's, anger and intimidation. We must honor the heart of the parent to bring the child into order and restore peace in the home, however while these techniques may temporarily bring the child under control they are the fuel for greater acting-out of the child over time.

We work with parents and children together in counseling in order to bring about emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is a form of containment that helps the child/adolescent to feel more regulated or stable. When children feel more stable they are not ruled by their fears and therefore responding to your requests out of love and not fear. This principle of regulation is common to all, both child and adult.

We start with parents to bring greater emotional regulation to themselves. This allows parents the stability to help their child. Because parents are under great stress we must work in therapy to resolve feelings such as anger and fear the parent has regarding their child and their future. It is normal for these parents to wonder if their child will ever be stable enough to go out and live independently as an adult one day. These concerns are realistic and yet if the parent is responding to the child out of that fear then the response of the parent will not bring regulation to the child. These responses serve to create greater emotional dysregulation.

Parents are often able to relax more when they experience emotional regulation in the therapy session. This is the basis for taking emotional regulation home. This emotional regulation starts in therapy with a style of communication that cuts through arguing and gets to the heart of the matter and the heart of the relationship. At this level of communication understanding the heart and needs of both parent and child becomes much clear. Parents often discover that a child's attitude is just a front for fear the child has. When the mask of rebellion is removed the parent sees the true heart of the child and what they really need to become emotionally regulated. These are breakthroughs in relationship that make a big difference in the day to day responses. It is often discovered in these sessions that what was assumed about the child or parent is not a correct assumption. These resolutions bring freedom to the relationships because they are not responding out of false assumptions any longer.

If you are a parent that has toiled in trying to help your child change your behavior and continue to be discouraged, feel free to contact us so we can meet and work to restore your relationship with your child. We are here to give you a new and realistic hope that change can occur in your home. Contact us at apokata1@gmail.com or call 510-396-5748.

We look forward to serving you!



A picture of Bob Brennan

Robert Brennan
M.A., MFT
Bob Brennen's Chinese name
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